I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
