Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
