I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
