I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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