So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
