They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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