They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
