Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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