I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Randomize
