i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
