i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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