So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
