This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
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I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
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The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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