There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
