but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
