just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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