I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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