Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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