If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
