I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
