so that wasnt chicken after all
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
