dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
