Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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