Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
