I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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