Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
