The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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