Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
