can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
