I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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