he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
