Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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