looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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