I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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