Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
