I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
