I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
