i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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