do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
