Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
