Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
