Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
