I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
