Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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