watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
