butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize