can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
