He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
