saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
