I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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