There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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