Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
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I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
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I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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