She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
