So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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