Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
