My first STD was from a foam party
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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