gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
