hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
