you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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