Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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