Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
