Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
