walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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