just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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