I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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