she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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