It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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