so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
