just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
