dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
