I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I love you. Go after that dick
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
