remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
