I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
