you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
