I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
